Unto us a daughter is born ...
Ali Chapman, Norwich; 24th - 25th December, 2005
About
four weeks before due date, on a full moon, my tummy, uterus and
goodness knows what else were doing somersaults and producing very
convincing contraction-like pains. With some homeopathy and advice from
Shawn to be in the ‘knees to chest position’ (which I understand keeps
the pressure off the cervix), the event calmed by the morning and Lila
chose to stay inside for a further 6 weeks!
Waiting for a baby
who, in conventional medicine’s words, is “overdue” is quite an
adventure. Having previously been convinced she would come earlier than
expected, each week that passed held new wisdom. As she is my second
child, I needed this period to make sure I had prepared us as a family
for her arrival – clothes, nappies and bibs let alone emotionally
reminding us all of the transition ahead. At times I certainly found it
frustrating and exhausting but I remained sure that she would choose the
perfect time when she was ready. By the last day I had started to tell
friends that I planned to be pregnant for months to come. Perhaps it was
letting go of the expectation that finally relaxed me into it. To
everything there is a time.
There had been confusion about where
she would be born. I knew I wanted to have a water pool available but as
the house was pretty chaotic I announced to Rachel, my doula, around
due date that I couldn’t find a suitable space in the house so perhaps I
might choose the hospital birth pool room instead.
The days
continued to pass and I declined the hospital check-up because I
instinctively knew that all was well and at this stage I saw no reason
for alarm. I spent time in meditation when I could, communicating with
the baby – it was during one of these moments that I decided to
dedicated a space for the birth – I asked Jonathan to prepare my healing
shed with insulation, heaters and the (inflatable) birth pool and he
spent 2 days doing that.
On Christmas Eve, the shed had a tiny
hole in the side of it ready for the hose to fill the pool. I had a
small glass of my friend’s homemade sloe gin and some chocolate (2
things I rarely have) and by 10pm I realised that tonight was our night.
I was excited because my grandmother had died on Christmas day the
previous year and it all felt pretty wonderful that Lila was going to
appear to add extra significance to the day.
There was an
instant relief once the contractions began because I remembered that
there is no mistaking them (I had again had many false alarms, ringing
Rachel in the dead of night to report pains that I now put down to an
undiscovered problem with digesting wheat… well I guess it was my uterus
getting ready too). I did lots of practical things like gathering all
my family presents together in a box and April’s clothes (our two year
old) and provisions to go to Granny’s and then made a big effort to
rest. I remember April waking up at one point and me realising that my
consciousness had altered. I was quite relaxed but had a contraction
whilst soothing her back to sleep and with acute clarity silently told
her “You need to stay asleep for a while now honey, really!”
Contractions (at this point still just magical twinges to remind me it
was happening) came and went and I dropped in and out of sleep for a few
hours.
At about 3am I let Rachel and the on-call midwives know
that I’d need them later. I immediately warmed to Katy at the delivery
suite who was on-call for homebirths that night, and said I’d call back
when I was ready for company. It was good to admit to the outside world
that it was happening, J started filling the pool and I stayed in my
darkened bedroom with two hot water bottles and lots of pillows, moving
about as each wave came.
At about 5am I asked Rachel to come and
had a bit of food, some hot marmite drink I think was all I managed. I
got some music together (which wasn’t used) and last bits and bobs to be
taken to the shed. Dawn was not far away. I was definitely in another
time zone quite giggly between contractions as the natural endorphins
were helping me ride the wave of the tightening muscles.
By 6ish
I was ready to go out to my shed and agreed that J should call the
midwife back and ask her to come knowing that she could always go away
and come back again if it was still to early. I had some (pink!) fur
lined snow boots to stomp about in outside and these were perfect as I
held onto a wheelie bin and jumped up and down through a contraction. It
was actually pretty full-on by this time.. having Rachel with me
allowed me to just let go of any more practical thoughts because I knew
that Jonathan was there for April until my mum came and there was
nothing else I needed to do except dance with Lila to begin her life.
I have a fantastic beam in the centre of my shed and I held onto this
so that I was hanging for most of the remaining contractions. The
midwife came perhaps around 7am and I remember not really having much
time or rational thought in between contractions to discuss heartrates
and things. She suggested that I get into the pool if I wanted to get
the benefit of the water bcs I guess it was obvious that I was nearing
the end of the first stage. I had no internal examinations during this
labour and that suited me perfectly. I felt that with Rachel’s help
along with my birthplan (I’ll attach this to the bottom), the midwife
Katy gauged the situation really well and fitted in beautifully to the
preferences I had laid out.
There was some checking going on so
that the temperature of the water was just right and it was just before I
got in that I had an urge for the loo. It was about 8am now. We had put
a chair with no seat over the nappy bucket ready for me and curtained
off an area but I didn’t actually pass anything.. it was just the
altering from stage one to two I guess so that Lila’s head was now
pressing down ready to be pushed. I had one more big contraction before
transition and again took the homeopathic remedy Pulsatilla
particularly bcs I was whining and whimpering a bit.. the power of it
all had moments of being pretty overwhelming and it was just at this
point that J finally made it to my side so he was holding my head over
the pool edge. I asked for some Ylang Ylang essential oil on a tissue to
inhale deeply and this was really soothing and boosted my morale.
Though being in the water was where I wanted to be, I think that there
wasn’t quite enough room for me to be totally free to move. As I noticed
while writing up April’s birth story, the moments that I remember
feeling discomfort are those when I couldn’t move my body instinctively.
The rest of it sits well in my mind, so I really wonder where we’ve
arrived at in the West for it to be accepted to restrict woman’s
movement in labour. That feels incredibly unsafe to me.
Katy
encouraged me to feel for the baby’s head as I unconsciously pulled away
from her when she went to feel. Lila was a few inches away from being
born and Jonathan and I kissed at my prompting. This released more
natural oxytocin, which brought on the major wave to usher Lila out, I
guided her out with my hands, Katy and I unwrapped the cord and I held
her to me. Tada. Wow childbirth is incredible.
The placenta came
physiologically a while later. I believe there was quite a lot of blood
loss but I was well supported and kept warm as we transferred to the
house.
Lila and I were both quite surprised to be together
after what seemed like a quick labour. I kept hold of her for 24 hours
asking the checks to wait til tomorrow and we were wrapped together with
a blanket for that whole time, skin to skin. April and Granny had not
even left yet only just having finished their breakfast so they were
there to welcome Lila into the home and get us settled on the sofa. My
sister brought us all Christmas dinner later on.